Wizard FRIENDS
by rwrocksme
Summary: Harry, Ginny, Neville, Ron, and Hermione live in the same Diagon Alley apartment building, and chaos insues. FRIENDS takeoff. After DH, but is slightly AU.
1. The One With Betty Crocker

_**Chapter 1: The One With Betty Crocker**_

**Diagon Apartments, Apartment 6B: Home To Mr. Harry Potter and his fiance', Miss. Ginny Weasley**

After the Final Battle was long finished, and Harry Potter had moved into an apartment that he shared with Ginny, his fiance', it was a rare ocassion that he felt anything in his life was less than satasfactory. However, on this particualir day, he had come to the realization that in all of his years with the Dursleys (the youngest of which, to his surprise, still came around for a visit every so often) he had never had a muggle cake. And that is how he found himself in the kitchen, covered in flour, with a Betty Crocker cake mix and an oven pre-heated to 360°.

Harry really felt that he had done a great job with his cake. It turned out that the recipe had been wrong, because the batter only filled half of the cake pan, but he had quickly fixed the mistake and now had the correct amount of batter in the pan, which was about to go into the oven when the phone rang.

"Hello," Harry said when he picked it up. The greeting from the other end only consisted of a honking sound and a wail, so he asked again. "Hello?"

"Oh, Harry!" Hermione sobbed, "I'm sorry, it's just--"

"It's ok, 'Mione--"

" 'Mione! That's what he called me!"

It was another Ron problem. "Hold on, I'm giving the phone to Ginny."

Harry handed the phone to is fiance', who had just showed up beside him, and quickly Apparated out of his apartment to see what in the world Ronald had done this time.


	2. The One Where Ron Reads

_**Chapter 2: The One Where Ron Actually Reads Something**_

**Diagon Apartments, Apartment 6C: Home To Mr. Ronald Weasley, and, on occasion, to Miss. Hermione Granger, his (sometimes) girlfriend**

"Oh my God, it's serious," Harry said as soon as he saw Ron sitting in his apartment with a large box of books, "She forgot her books."

"No, you bastard! These are mine!" Ron shouted. Harry pretended to faint in shock.

"Hey! I read too, you know," Ron said, not finding it funny.

Harry went over to the box and began to read the titles out loud. "_Quidditch Through the Ages, Flying With The Cannons, PlayWizard--_Is this what your fight was about?"

"Not this time," Ron replied, glumly.

"Ok, so, then there is, _The Complete Guide To The Vicar of Dibley..._what?"

"She got me hooked on the BBC, man. I tell you, she'll reck your life with her books and classic British comedy," Ron sighed, flipping through the book.

"Ok, then, and here we have..._The Smart Wizard's Guide to Magical Proposals?" _Harry laughed, "Man, who writes a book like that...oh, I see. Our lovely friends, Gilderoy Lockhart and Rita Skeeter. Why do you have this?"

"I was _going _to ask her to marry me, but then I accidentally spilled broom polish on her letter to Viktor Krum and she moved out. Again," Ron added.

"Accidentally?" Harry asked, skeptically.

Ron looked truly offended. "Well, why does she need him for? She lives with me now!"

"Some of the time..." Harry muttered, before Apparating back home again, taking Ron's _PlayWizard _with him.


	3. The One With Demetrius

_**Chapter 3: The One With The Demetrius**_

**Diagon Apartments, Apartment 6E: Home to Mr. Neville Longbottom, and his very large magical ficus, Demetrius**

Two doors down, Neville Longbottom was happily oblivious to Ron and Hermiones' most recent drama, along with everything else in the world. It was exactly 2:15 in the afternoon, and and at that exact time every day, Neville watered and fed his entire collection of exotic plants. The last plant, a large magical ficus, was his favorite. Her name was Demetrius, and she greeted him every day with a burst of bright sparks from her leaves.

Some of his friends teased Neville about his ficus, saying that he was in love with it. This was not true. Even with Demetrius around, Neville was quite lonely, as he was harboring a secret crush on his next door neighbor, Luna.

Luna was quite the witch, in Neville's opinion. She was the only person he knew who actually cared about magical creatures and plants as much as he did (besides Hagrid, of course) and she seemed to be able to understand anyone, no matter what they were like. In fact, she was the only person, besides Harry, who he had told about his parents' curse.

They had eaten lunch together today, down at their normal hangout, Central Spark. He had watched her sip her tea as they looked through the new "Snorkacks For Stupids" book she'd gotten earlier in the afternoon. It was then that he remembered her birthday--it was in three days, and he still hadn't gotten her a present.

"So, Demetrius," Neville had asked his ficus during her watering, "What should we get Luna for her birthday?"

Demetrius sagged a little, looking as puzzled about Luna's present as he was. He gave her a bit more water, and she perked up again, turning her stem towards the sunny window that overlooked the bustling street.

"No, Demetrius. We are not getting Luna water."

The plant shifted again, pointing her bloom down onto the street. She seemed to be motioning to a crate, and Neville grabbed his Omniculars to see what she was trying to show him.

It wasn't a romantic present, and it was definitely a bit odd, but he knew Luna would love it. After all, ficuses can't lie.


	4. The One With Luna's Advice

_**Chapter 4; The One With Luna's Advice**_

**Diagon Apartments, Apartment 6F: Home To Miss. Luna Lovegood and Miss Hermione Granger (when she is not speaking to the resident of 6C, which is most of the time) **

Hermione burst through the door of the apartment she shared with Luna in tears that afternoon, as she had on many other occasions before. She had been _so stupid_...he didn't love her. In fact, all Ronald Weasley ever wanted to do was make her miserable. Why else would he pretend to care so much about Victor Krum?

"Hi!" Luna greeted her from the couch, "How are you?"

Hermione looked at her for a moment, wondering how even Luna could not see how she was from the tears streaming down her face. "I'm crying, of course I'm not good!"

"Well, I thought perhaps you had been attacked by a Gibbled Gandlemear. Those can make even the gladdest person cry for days..." Luna explained softly, "What happened?"

"Ron, that's what happened! I tell you Luna, this is it. It's over!"

Luna gave a small gasp, "Oh, but Hermione, that can't be true! You _have _to stay together...you're each other's lobsters!"

"Not any--what? Lobsters?" Hermione's tears were gone now, replaced by a look of total confusion.

Luna gave a heavy sigh, as if Hermione had just asked the world's dumbest question. "Of course! Lobsters mate for life! You can even see old lobster couples walking around in the tanks, like this:" Luna linked her fingers together in demonstration as Hermione tried to hold back giggles.

"I don't know about that, Luna," Hermione laughed, "But I do feel a little bit better now."


	5. The One With the Chick and the Duck

A/N: I hope you all liked the Lobster use in the last chapter, I promise we will see it again...and here is another GREAT _Friends _homage...Read and Review!!!

_**Chapter 4: The One With The Chick and the Duck**_

**Central Spark coffeehouse, hangout of Harry Potter, Ginny Weasley, Ronald Weasley, Luna Lovegood, Neville Longbottom, and Hermione Granger**

"Happy birthday, Luna!" Ginny exclaimed, coming into Central Spark with a handful of balloons. She hugged her friend, who was wearing a hat with a giant phoenix on the top, which turned to ashes and rose again every fifteen minutes.

"Thank you...this is all so exciting," Luna breathed, looking around the cafe'. Along with Ginny, the party consisted of Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, the Weasley twins, and Hagrid.

"Look Luna, I tried to bake you a cake, but it didn't work out," Harry apologized.

"In other words," Ginny told her, "He used too much batter and the thing exploded all over the kitchen!"

"Way to go, Harry!" Fred and George yelled from across the room.

"It's ok, Harry," Luna said, "Cake attracts Nargles anyway..."

They moved onto the festivities, laughing and talking and toasting Luna. Soon, it came time for gifts, and, among other things, she was given a blue and silver Pigmy Puff from Fred and George, and a journal that could your thoughts from Hermione. Last, but not least, was a gift from Neville, which he had to get from the back room.

She opened the crate, and watched in delight as a chick and a baby duck waddled towards her. "Aww!" she cooed, "They are so adorable! Thank you Neville!"

She pecked (no pun intended) him on the cheek, and the party went on for a few hours more. That night, after he had helped her take Chick and Duck (their new names) up to her apartment, Neville went home to his ficus, who tilted her head at him as if to ask, "What happened?"

His response? "Demetrius, I think we may just have a chance with her."


	6. The One With The Convention of Nevilles

_**Chapter 6: The One With The Convention of Neville Longbottoms**_

**Diagon Apartments, Apartment 6B: Home To Mr. Harry Potter and his fiance', Miss. Ginny Weasley**

"Ginny! There's something in the living room and I'm not sure what it is!" Harry yelled, as he came into his apartment and saw a large green sphere with what looked like lips poking through the window.

Ginny came into the room and gazed at the mysterious thing, much calmer than any sane person should be when an eyeless head was in their house. "It's ok, Harry," Ginny laughed, "That's just a rather large plant from the herbologists' convention downstairs."

"Oh, is that what that was?" Harry asked, "I thought it was a meeting of the National Neville Longbottom Society."

Ginny rolled her eyes and pushed the giant plant back out of the window.

**The Annual Convention & Flea Market of the Society for Herbologists, Diagon Alley**

It was not the Annual Convention of Neville Longbottoms, but Neville Longbottom was there nonetheless. After listening to a lecture on Mandrakes and talking to a group of young students on the properties of Kangaroot, he set off into the market set up in the middle of the alley.

The moment he saw her, he knew she was perfect. It was a second female magical ficus, with a great tempermant. She would be a perfect companion for Demetrius, to keep her company once Neville started teaching at Hogwarts in the fall. So he bought the ficus, whom he dubbed Delana, and took her home to her perch on his living room window seal.

"Demetrius," he said, "This is Delena. She's going to keep you company, ok?"

Demetrius purred and the two plants wrapped themselves around each other, purring and rustling their leaves. Then, their pots started shaking around, and Neville decided it was time for him to go.


	7. The One With Ronald's Beard

Title: The One With Ronald's Beard

Date: August 14, 2007 12:47 PM

Category: Wizard FRIENDS

Tags: Harry Potter, fanfiction

_**Chapter 7: The One With Ronald's Beard**_

After two weeks, when Hermione had not returned to Ron's apartment, everyone was begining to wonder if it wasn't really over between them after all. Ginny had taken to spending her lunch hours at Hermione's office at the Ministry, bringing Ron up in the conversation at any possible opprotunity so to try and knock some sense into her friend. And at the same time, Harry had been trying to get Ron to apologize, but didn't have much luck because he kept getting distracted by Ron's newly aquired bit of facial hair.

"Ron?" Harry asked, one afternoon, "Mate, what is up with your face?"

"It's a beard!" Ron exclaimed proudly, "I started growing it when I found out about that audition for _Albus Dumbledor, Superstar! _I have next week, but I think I'm going to keep it. It's a new look for a new me!"

"What new you?"

"The new, Hermione-free me. Look, man, she's driving me up the wall, and I just can't do it anymore. I think I might ask out that girl, Marlla, in my Facial Clenser Opera actor's guild."

Harry stared at him. Surely his best friend was smart enough to know that he belonged with Hermione, and not some twit from _Days of Our Afterlives_. Sure, they fought, but Ron and Hermione were the best-matched couple Harry had ever known!

"Whatever, mate. Just think about it, ok?" Harry asked.

"Oh, I think about It all the time!" Ron exclaimed, "Especially in the shower..."


End file.
